I was meeting with The Boss recently, and I was telling Him about a particular frustration. And The Boss said, “What are you scared of?” And I said, “I’m not scared …I’m frustrated.” And The Boss said, “You’re scared.” And I said, “Why would you say that to me!? I’m complaining to You about someone who is hurting a person that I really care about.” And The Boss said, “Yep… you’re scared. Because you want to protect this loved one of yours, and this other person is hurting them; and you feel helpless. You’re scared because you can’t entirely protect the people that you love.”

Then I was quiet for awhile.

Then The Boss said, “This is the main problem with the person hurting your loved one as well. He is like king Saul. He is a scared little boy. And My invitation to him is the same as My invitation to you …I invite y’all to step into the light and admit that you’re scared. You feel like sheep. You feel like little children. You feel small. And if you don’t embrace the freedom to admit this about yourself then you will be petulant and defensive, and you will dedicate yourself to developing a never-ending system of self-protection strategies; and you will sink deeper and deeper into the delusion of ‘self-sufficiency.’ Basically, you can be like king David The Honest Psalmist/processor of feelings, or you can be like surly sullen Saul.”

And as I thought about this invitation, I realized that my fear and insecurities RUN DEEP! I definitely feel SMALL AND SHEEPLIKE, and the more I admit this about myself, the more I realize that my discoveries of feeling small are like Russian nesting dolls. I keep discovering that there is more and more and more smallness! And in this way The Boss leads me deeper and deeper into delighting in my desperate dependence on Him.