My buddy Big Reggie sent this to me today – – – >

Especially check out the 11-19 minute mark… where Preston & Jackie talk about telling the truth. Preston says, “I don’t want to attack people, but I need to honestly TELL THEM, ‘I don’t have peace when I’m around you. You drain me. CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT? Are we emotionally stable and mature enough to have an honest, constructive, conversation?’ ” And if they don’t have the emotional and spiritual maturity to talk about it, WE cannot change them. God honors people who are honest, and God’s honors honesty. And we need to recognize that sometimes we still feel anger, and we still feel the emotions because we haven’t collaborated with the person we hurt (or the person who hurt us) on some type of plan for HOW TO MOVE FORWARD. This is the case when someone apologizes BUT THEY REFUSE to have any follow-up conversations. It’s like a relational bridge that has been burned, and the arson admits that they set fire to the bridge, but they refuse to return to engage in the painstaking work of repairing and rebuilding the bridge. Simply put, they offer a gesture of repentance, but THEY FORSAKE THE RELATIONSHIP.”

Jackie says, “You can say ‘Sorry‘ to me all day, and that won’t cut it! I need us to talk through a plan for moving forward. I need clarity on whether or not I can entrust myself to you, and I need clarity on whether or not the offense will be replicated. AND SOMETIMES I HAVE TO COME TO GRIPS WITH THE FACT THAT A PERSON DOESN’T HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE THE PATTERN, in which case I have to let go of that relationship.”

Examples…

David lets go of the relationship with Saul, because Saul is unable to change. Saul wickedly forsakes the relationship; whilst David forgives, and offers honesty, and eventually relinquishes the relationship in light of Saul’s refusal to robustly repent/repair the damage he has wrought.

Joseph, son of Jacob, tests and tests and tests Judah, and then gets clarity that Judah has indeed changed for the better, and thus they enjoy an edifying and enriching relationship with one another as fellow exiles in the land of Goshen, Egypt.