David’s Defense Attorney [Closing Statement]:


Did my client shirk his responsibility as king by lounging around the palace while his army was at war?

Let the record show that my client wouldn’t’ve stayed in Jerusalem had he not fought so many rigorous battles in the years and decades prior to this long-overdue, hard-earned, sabbatical scenario (any other king – especially one with such a heroic and unparalleled war record – woudn’t’ve had the humility to take such a sensible break, and unpretentiously allow his capable and accomplished general to lead the charge for a change).


Did my client coerce another man’s wife into having an adulterous affair?

Let the record show that my client wouldn’t’ve sent for Bathsheba if she weren’t such a bathing beautimus bombshell (i.e. there was no getting around this affair, it was completely unavoidable …if anyone is to be held accountable I suggest blame be cast upon Bathsheba – for indecent exposure and inadvertently seducing the king).


Did my client try to cover-up his reprehensibly heinous sin of adultery?

Let the record show that the king endeavored to arrange a romantic rendezvous for a dearly appreciated couple in his kingdom (…most citizens would be delighted to have such a thoughtful and mawkishly-minded king).


Did my client contrive the demise of one of his mighty men/the husband of the woman whom he had ravished?

Let the record show that my client wouldn’t’ve slaughtered Uriah if he had simply accepted the king’s invitation to go home and sleep with his wife.


Finally, I would simply like to point out that my client is the king, and therefore – amongst other things – we owe him our respect, and every effort must be made to excuse his bad behavior and overlook his heinous heart.

[Statement closed]


*How do we know that the Bible is the Word of God?  Because it refuses to put false fronts on our flaws.  We are terrified of our failures, and we wretchedly search – with the utmost desperation – for someone else to blame in order that we might bestow upon ourselves some superficial and fleeting sense of justification.  But the Bible reveals the truth – no matter how distressing and despicable – about even the most venerated and esteemed patricians; and instead of a flimsy defense of absolutely inexcusable/totally depraved choices and actions – we have the 51st Psalm:

Have mercy on me, O God,
		according to your steadfast love;
	according to your abundant mercy
		blot out my transgressions.
	Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
		and cleanse me from my sin!
	For I know my transgressions,
		and my sin is ever before me.
	Against you, you only, have I sinned
		and done what is evil in your sight,
	so that you may be justified in your words
		and blameless in your judgment.
	Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
		and in sin did my mother conceive me.
	Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
		and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
	Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
		wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
	Let me hear joy and gladness;
		let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
	Hide your face from my sins,
		and blot out all my iniquities.
	Create in me a clean heart, O God,
		and renew a right spirit within me.
	Cast me not away from your presence,
		and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
	Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
		and uphold me with a willing spirit.
	Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
		and sinners will return to you.
	Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
		O God of my salvation,
		and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
	O Lord, open my lips,
		and my mouth will declare your praise.
	For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
		you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
	The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
		a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
	Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
		build up the walls of Jerusalem;
	then will you delight in right sacrifices,
		in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
		then bulls will be offered on your altar.

(Psalm 51)