Years ago I arranged the content below in an effort to help some people repair a broken relationship. It didn’t work. The people decided not to repent and reconcile, and they haven’t spoken to each other for over 3 years now. However, perhaps God used that volatile & estranging situation to organize and publish the following subject matter:

Shepherding Commission for Person(s) A and Person(s) B.


Our goal is to support the restoration of the familial relationship(s) between Person(s) A and Person(s) B – and, if necessary, investigate the root causes of the breakdown in this relationship(s) to determine if any charges are warranted.


  1. To work with you for your joy

Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm (2 Corinthians 1:24).

2. To experience the authoring and perfecting work of God.

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat, for he grants sleep tothose he loves (Psalm 127:1-2).

3. For you to articulate how YOU have sinned

  • Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst (1 Timothy 1:15).

  • What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? (Romans 7:24).

4. To help you develop an intense commitment to repenting of, and fighting against, YOUR sin

  • Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up (James 4:7-10).

  • If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us (1 John 1:6-10).

5. To be of the same mind in the Lord

  • I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life (Philippians 4:2-3).

*Note: this does not mean you have to be “best friends.”

6. Mourn and be meek

  • Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:4-5).



  1. Clearly, and succinctly, articulate your complaint; and officially bring a charge if necessary (note: charges must be made with humility and sorrow). If you elect not to charge anyone, then your complaint must be thrown on ‘the compost pile.’
    • When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned (Galatians 2:11).
    • I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers (1 Corinthians 1:10-11).
  2. Fear God.
    • Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (Hebrews 12:14-15).
    • Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near (Philippians 4:5).
    • What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.” When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened (Acts 5:4-5).
    • Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Ephesians 4:29-32).
  3. Must forgive liberally

  • Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:32-35).
4. Must respect liberally

  • “Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely! In life and in death they were not divided; they were swifter than eagles; they were stronger than lions” (2 Samuel 1:23).

5. Trust is another story

  • Then Saul said, “I have sinned. Return, my son David, for I will no more do you harm, because my life was precious in your eyes this day. Behold, I have acted foolishly, and have made a great mistake.” And David answered and said, “Here is the spear, O king! Let one of the young men come over and take it. The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and his faithfulness, for the Lord gave you into my hand today, and I would not put out my hand against the Lord’s anointed. Behold, as your life was precious this day in my sight, so may my life be precious in the sight of the Lord, and may he deliver me out of all tribulation.” Then Saul said to David, “Blessed be you, my son David! You will do many things and will succeed in them.” So David went his way, and Saul returned to his place (1 Samuel 26:21-25).