Once upon a time there was a paranoid king. The king told his son and his advisors to kill his most proficient general because he envied his popularity (like how Commodus felt about Maximus). The king’s son rebuked his father for being petulant. The king said “Ok, I’ll chill out.” But then another battle occurred, the general dominated, and the king was angry again. After the battle, the general had ‘music duty’, and while he was playing the lyre the king threw a spear at the general.

So the general fled for his life and lived with a prophet in a place called Naioth. The king’s spies found the general, and the king deployed soldiers to capture the general. When the soldiers arrived at Naioth they were overpowered by a person named The Holy Spirit, who forced them to say, “The current king is corrupt and childish, and the general shall be the new king!” So the king sent another company of soldiers to capture the general, but they were overpowered by The Holy Spirit as well, and they said, “The current king is corrupt and childish, and the general shall be the new king!” So the king sent a third company of soldiers to capture the general, but they too were overpowered by The Holy Spirit, and they were forced to say, “The current king is corrupt and childish, and the general shall be the new king!” So the king himself traveled to Naioth, and when he arrived The Holy Spirit overpowered him and made him say, “I am corrupt and childish, and my faithful general shall be the new king!” And the king stripped off his clothes, and he lay naked all that day and all that night.