I was reading about Christmas this morning. It was disturbing! There was this pregnant lady crying out in birth pains and the agony of giving birth (i.e. a not-so-silent night of INTENSE labor!). And then, to make matters worse, a GINORMOUS 7-HEADED DRAGON swept his tail through outer space and caused 1/3 of the stars of heaven to crash into earth! That’s crazy! Think about all the trouble NASA went to – to get Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck to land on a single doomsday asteroid, drill into it, and detonate a nuclear bomb – in order to knock it off course! And now I read that THE FIRST NOEL triggered the rage of a cosmically colossal, septenary noggined, dragon who caused 1/3 of the stars of heaven to collide with our planet!?!?

And it gets worse!

Then the dragon stood over the woman in labor, so that when she bore her child he might DEVOUR IT!

This has to be the most traumatic birth story in the history of the universe!

If it’s any consolation, the woman gave birth to a baby boy, who is destined to RULE ALL THE NATIONS WITH A ROD OF IRON! And… for what it’s worth, after giving birth, the woman fled into the wilderness, where God had prepared a place for her to live for 1,260 days (i.e. almost 3½  years)!

Merry Christmas!